I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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