I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
