We need to rekindle our bromance
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize