Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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