covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
