Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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