Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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