yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
