Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
