last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
