Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Two words: blizzard sex
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
