I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
