i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize