I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
