1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
