Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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