Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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