I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
