life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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