the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
