I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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