I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
handjob tips. give me some.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
