it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
