I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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