It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
