I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
