Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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