Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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