i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
