Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
