she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
