Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
