terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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