i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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