Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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