oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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