so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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