Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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