If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
