She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
