All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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