glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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