I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
