1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
