I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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