We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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