i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
