last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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