dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
