May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
