i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
