I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize