so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
