I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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