Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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