I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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