yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
