ugly people sure do ruin things
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
