I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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