Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
