I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
