I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
