i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
