So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
