"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
