I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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