Pappa wants mamma naked
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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