mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
