Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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