She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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