Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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