Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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